Archive for June, 2007

Daily Dose of Success #13: Me, glorious me!!!

Yes, tonight I am celebrating reaching my 30th Birthday (almost – still 3 hours to go).
I always have a vague argument in my own head about whether my birthday is really on the 29th or 30th June because I think I was born in Hong Kong just after midnight on the 30th June, which means [...]

Yes, tonight I am celebrating reaching my 30th Birthday (almost – still 3 hours to go).

I always have a vague argument in my own head about whether my birthday is really on the 29th or 30th June because I think I was born in Hong Kong just after midnight on the 30th June, which means had my Mum told my grandparents as soon as I was born (I was adopted though, so maybe they didn’t find out until later in the day) then it would have actually been 29th June. Perhaps it’s just a way of justifying to myself (and J) why we need to spend 2 days celebrating and treating ourselves instead of just the one ;-)

Anyway, I rather successfully distracted myself there. Back to the point.

Yes, I think it counts as a success that I have managed to reach the grand old age of 30 without really having a big crisis about it. I’ve received several emails & Facebook messages from friends saying how much of an ‘event’ turning 30 was for them and how upsetting it was. I’m not sure I see the problem. It’s just a number and I really do still feel about 18.

And of course (Kenny, this one’s for you), it was only 3 short years ago that on the night of our ‘joint’ hen/stag do in Sydney I was refused entry to a pub for looking under age.

P.S. I promise there will be no more pics of me in my youth, but my Dad sent me these pics today and threatened to put them on a public blog so I’m beating him to it.

(What is it with people sending me pics of my toddler years just because I’m turning 30?!??!)

My previous experience of living in paradise (the Seychelles, apparently) – and yes, I still find it as exhausting as ever doing nothing in the tropics…

And note the rather artsy painting I’m managing to do with my left hand (I’m now right-handed)…

And here’s a rather major strop I had. Can’t imagine why…

How To Look At Yourself in the Mirror…

…and love what you see.
This is another great tip from Michael Neill, coach extraordinaire, and great for any personal trainer, health coach or C.H.E.K practitioner who works with clients who have body dysmorphic disorder.
The Friendly Mirror by Michael Neill
(This week’s tip is largely based on work I’ve done with Paul McKenna in putting together his [...]

…and love what you see.

This is another great tip from Michael Neill, coach extraordinaire, and great for any personal trainer, health coach or C.H.E.K practitioner who works with clients who have body dysmorphic disorder.

The Friendly Mirror by Michael Neill

(This week’s tip is largely based on work I’ve done with Paul McKenna in putting together his bestselling and life-changing weight-loss program, ‘I Can Make You Thin’. This is the only weight-loss system in the world with a success rate of over 70% – by way of comparison, Weight Watchers proudly boasts an 11% success rate! For more information, see the ‘Want to Learn More?’ section at the end of the tip…)

Until I began working with Amber, I had never heard of the medical condition known as ‘body dysmorphic disorder’. Body dysmorphia, from the Greek word meaning ‘badness of form’, is a condition where a person is unable to see themselves as others see them, seeing themselves instead as obese, deformed or even disabled.

She introduced herself on the phone as a friend of a friend and said she wanted to see me for some private coaching. When I asked her what she wanted to work on, she said she lacked confidence because she was unattractive and very overweight, and wanted to work on both her weight problems and confidence issues over the course of the next three months. I agreed to see her and set an appointment for the following week.

When she walked into my office, I was taken aback. Amber wasn’t just ‘not fat’ – she was thin – way too thin. She noticed my look of shock and asked me what was wrong. I told her that I would show her and tried to get her to look into a mirror I have in my office, but she became quite frightened and refused.

After teaching her some simple breathing exercises to calm herself down, she was able to tell me that with the exception of checking her hair and makeup on a small compact she carried with her, she hadn’t looked in a mirror for over a year.

I asked her what she was afraid she might see, and she replied ‘an ugly fat old woman’.

‘If that’s what you saw’, I asked, ‘how would you feel about that?’

She looked at me horrified. ‘I’d feel horrible, like throwing myself off a cliff.’

‘Why?’

‘Because if I’m fat, no one will ever love me.’

‘Do you believe that?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why do you believe that?’

This one stumped her, so I asked her a different question.

‘What are you concerned might happen if it was OK with you to be fat?’

She looked me right in the eye. ‘If it was OK to be fat, I’d eat myself to death.’

While we continued to explore her beliefs about obesity, attractiveness and self-worth, the most significant breakthrough Amber made was when I guided her through the exercise in today’s experiment. Although she was only able to look in the mirror for a few seconds the first time, before long she was able to see herself in a whole new way. And as she had feared, she did put weight on – just enough weight to be beautiful, radiant and whole.

If you recognize yourself or someone you know in Amber’s story, there is more than just hope – the exercise below can make a remarkable difference in a very short space of time. Even if your own experience of looking in a mirror is not so dramatic, you will find simply doing the exercise makes a noticeable difference to your self-esteem.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor and if you have been diagnosed with or suspect you have an eating or medical disorder, please do seek professional assistance!

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Today’s Experiment:
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1. Stand in front of a mirror with your eyes closed. Ideally this will be a full-length mirror but any reflective surface will do for starters.

2. Think of a time when someone you respect or trust paid you a sincere compliment. It doesn’t matter whether or not you believed what they said – just that you believe that they meant it.

3. Bearing in mind the positive regard you have for the person who complimented you, open your eyes and look in the mirror seeing what they saw. (If this seems too hard for you, focus only on your eyes as you look in the mirror. Don’t allow yourself to look anywhere but into your own eyes.)

4. Begin to send love and approval to the you in the mirror. You can do this by once again closing your eyes and imagining someone you love until you begin to feel the feelings in your body. Then open your eyes and allow yourself to be the recipient of those good feelings.

5. Finally, imagine taking a photo of yourself just like that. Any time you choose, you can remember this image and feel all the good feelings that come with it.

Many people report that when they first do this experiment, they experience a strange sort of dissociation, almost as though they are looking at someone else instead of themselves. In fact, when you look at your reflection through the eyes of love, you may be seeing your authentic self for the very first time.

Have fun, learn heaps, and the next time you look in the mirror make it a friendly one!

With love,
Michael

Do you help people feel better or worse in your marketing?

I was criticised a while ago for trying to sell one of my coaching programs by using fear. The criticism was misguided in that selling wasn’t really my intention at the time (stirring people up was however, and it worked a treat!). But it did however, give me some food for thought about the different [...]

I was criticised a while ago for trying to sell one of my coaching programs by using fear. The criticism was misguided in that selling wasn’t really my intention at the time (stirring people up was however, and it worked a treat!). But it did however, give me some food for thought about the different strategies used to promote & sell health & wellness.

There’s the one where you use the fear of succumbing to illness or even death to motivate people to use your services. Or there’s the one where you use the carrot of helping people feel really, really good about themselves to motivate prospects to pay you for your services.

In my experience, making people feel worse about themselves is not a way to keep your clients happy nor a way to keep them coming back for more nor to get them recommending you to their friends & family.

Here are a few examples of how you can make your clients feel worse without meaning to:

• Forcing them to look in the mirror at themselves when they really don’t want to, even though you think they look great or better than they did (I made this mistake – but watch out for a fantastic tip on how to help clients who have body dismorphia problems).
• Flaunting your fabulous body in their face, mistakenly thinking that you’re inspiring them to be like you.
• Telling them about how healthy you are and how healthily you eat, sleep & breathe – again mistakenly thinking that if you walk your walk as well as talking your talk, they’ll be inspired (Note: I’m not saying don’t walk your walk, just don’t expect it to be inspiring to all your clients. Some will find it intimidating, some will find it annoying and some will think you just don’t have a life and don’t know how to enjoy yourself).
• Telling them just how well all your other clients are doing.
• Focusing on what they still need to work on and achieve without spending enough time celebrating their achievements & progress each time.
• Using the phrase “If you don’t do x, then you’ll never achieve y” as a motivator.