You need to let people see the real you, you ought to share tidbits and secrets about yourself so we get to know you, you really need to do more video and audio so we see even more of you. Or so goes the maxim of the moment.

Some bloggers share their income, some like to list out all the stuff they own and some share their deepest, darkest feelings. But I don’t know…sometimes it feels like just another strategy to be “authentic”. You need a strategy to be authentic now? Doesn’t that go somewhat against the whole purpose?

It’s worked very well for some bloggers, especially the bit about income – people always like to know how much money someone else is making and it was no surprise to me that Odyssey newsletter revealing how much money the Location Independent project made last year drew the biggest response from subscribers.

But think about some of the people who’ve built up a massive following. How much do you really know about them? How much about their actual lives and businesses are you privy to? Not that much.

I’m a private person. And yet I’m not. Give me a glass of wine, a comfy sofa and a willing ear and I’ll tell you everything about myself and more, if you ask! But for me that just doesn’t translate online…sharing “10 things about me that you never knew” feels self-serving, a hidden way to tell you how cool I am or why you should like me even more under the guise of being transparent. Of sharing. Of being more “me”, more authentic.

I may not have the most compelling, unique blogging style and writing voice but I can sure as hell tell you that it’s me writing this. With only a very minor bit of editing. But that’s me – I am not the most exciting, fabulous, awe inspiring, entertaining, fascinating person you’ll ever meet and so I’m not going to try to be.

I’m going to be me – I’m going to share what I want to share, what I believe you’ll enjoy, find useful or informative but am I going to tell you the ins & outs of my life? Nope. For that, you’ll have to buy me a glass of wine (bubbly, if you really want to know stuff) and just ask me about the best, worst, funniest, most embarrassing moments of my life.

Which means you get to decide the what, when, how and who of all your important communication with customers, clients, prospects, employees, suppliers, contractors and anyone who has anything to do with your business. It’s a great feeling having all this choice.

But then you begin to realise that the buck stops with you, the business owner – and making some of the wrong choices in some key areas can mean you no longer have a business. Being honest and having integrity is one of these areas.

The thing is, if you’re less than honest and show little integrity in your business interactions, it will come back and bite you on the bottom.

What would you choose to do in the following situations?

1. A website or blog you set up doesn’t display correctly in Internet Explorer 6; the client hasn’t noticed and isn’t likely to so you could easily get them to pay the invoice and leave it unfixed. Do you leave it unfixed or work on fixing the bug?
2. A prospect/client asks whether you can do something that you know won’t cost you anything nor take you much time (say 15-20 minutes). They offer to pay you rather more than is necessary. Do you take the money offered or tell them it won’t cost that much?
3. You think a client is making a mistake with the choices they’re making and the way they propose to do something. Do you provide your professional advice and suggest an alternative or do you do what they ask, take the money and leave them with something you know isn’t as good as it could be?
4. You know that someone (maybe a competitor) offers a better service or product than you do for a particular prospect. Do you direct them to the more ideal solution or take their business?

These are real life examples that we’ve faced recently. Here’s what we did…

1. When we couldn’t fix the bug ourselves, we paid for someone else to help troubleshoot it and sort it out; the client didn’t even know there was a problem but we did and couldn’t leave it like that.
2. We told them exactly what was involved and how much it should cost – which was half of what they offered.
3. We’ve advised several clients recently (and always do) where we thought they could improve upon their ideas; sometimes it’s hard when a client has spent a long time working on their project but if we know that it’s unlikely to work, we’ll say so.
4. We pointed out exactly what we could do and what our strengths were but directed the prospect to another place when we realised that our solution wasn’t the most ideal for them.

There are also a number of really simple things that I just can’t let go of when it comes to integrity; silly little things like installing great plug-ins for clients so they’ll find it easier to manage their site, setting up feedburner for clients who are non-techy and have come to use for a blog, making additional video tutorials for clients who need to know how to do something specific to manage their website/blog and sometimes providing a lot of additional business advice and support in our emails – which I’m pretty sure most web design firms never do (but then again, I guess most web design firms don’t have a former management consultant on their team!).

You might call it ‘over delivering’; I call it being honest and showing integrity.

In fact it pains me in some respects to even bring this up but I just can’t keep it in and for my own sanity and health, it’s far better out than in…

In this age of blogging, a free and easy platform for your voice and with the rise of the amateurs, does experience and authenticity count for nothing?

Why do I say this?

I’ve noticed a really, really disturbing trend recently…popular and well-respected bloggers writing about and advising their readers on things they’ve never done nor experienced themselves.

Am I alone in wondering just how effective their advice is, if they’ve never achieved nor experienced the goal they’re writing about?

I mean seriously, how can you authentically write about and advise others on how to do something that you’ve never done yourself? Am I missing the point?

I wouldn’t dream of writing about anything that I haven’t done or tried myself…for starters, I just wouldn’t have the knowledge despite googling the topic.

That’s why I don’t write about writing prose or poetry; it’s why I don’t write about how to earn money from adsense (although I have done this); and it’s why I don’t write about things I’m a relative novice at.

Perhaps I’m missing a trick here but isn’t the rise of this type of advice – from smart people who really should know better – a little irresponsible, if not downright dangerous in some instances?

I’ve had two experiences this year where misunderstandings, misinterpretations or miscommunications have resulted in disappointment, upset and hurt.

In both cases, I have tried to take my full share of the responsibility, apologise for my part in the matter and try and understand what went wrong.

In both cases, the other parties have done the exact opposite – accepted my responsibility in the matter but not fully accepted theirs; made a ‘qualified’ apology which they’ve then used to try and further their point or excuse their behaviour; and rather than try to mend bridges, carried on unwittingly (or perhaps not) destroying them and digging themselves even deeper into a hole.

Having learnt heaps from both scenarios, here is my take on how to make an effective and meaningful apology…

1. Fully accept and acknowledge your part in a misunderstanding and don’t use the fact that the other party may even have given you a ‘get out’ to let yourself off the hook. It most certainly takes two to tango and if there’s been a misunderstanding or miscommunication then there’s a big chance that you were just as much at fault as the other party.
2. If you do apologise, then make sure you mean it – don’t ruin it by saying “I’m sorry but….” and then qualifying your apology or trying to further explain your side of the argument or behaviour.
3. Try and see if from the other side – most people don’t go out of their way to screw someone over or hurt them. If you make an attempt to see the other point of view, then it can make it easier to understand and see why your actions may have exacerbated the problem. If nothing else, apologise for this and demonstrate to the other party that you appreciate where they’re coming from.

Misunderstanding and miscommunications are just human nature – we all communicate in very different ways. It takes a lot of time and effort to build up trust between people which can so easily be destroyed with one hasty action.

An apology can mend a lot of things…but only if it’s an effective one.

BTW – if you want a great example of a good apology, check out Pam Slim’s here >>>