Sep
When Saying No Means Saying Yes
Do you feel intensely uncomfortable saying “no” to people? Yeah, me too usually.
It’s often because saying “no” means creating conflict and whilst I’m one of the most argumentative people I know (I love arguments - ahem, sorry “discussions” - just ask Jonathan), I don’t often like saying “no” to people and disappointing them.
Lately though I’ve had to find a way to say “no” on a frequent basis. Fortunately I figured out a way to play the No “game” without actually having to say the word on many occasions.
You’ll probably know that I haven’t been having the most pleasurable experience this time round in Cape Town. This is largely due to the fact that, despite promises to the contrary I found myself running a full time, client-facing project for friends who run a business here - so much for the part time hours which would allow me to continue to run our business.
Fridays - supposed to be my day off to work on/in our business - slowly became just another extension of the project week and not only was it a full time project 5 days a week, I have spent more nights & weekends than I’d care to remember over the past couple of months working beyond midnight.
I know this is not unusual in the corporate world - I’ve been there and done it myself. The difference now is that I have a completely different perspective to what impact this has and what this really means to my own life…
It means that the more time I spend working in and on someone else’s business, the more I’m helping them achieve their goals and less time achieving mine.
I’ve had enough - and it’s long overdue. Today is not a great day for me - 5 years ago on this very day, I sat by my Mum’s bedside and watched her die - if that doesn’t put things in perspective, then nothing does.
Today is the day I’ve said “no” to someone else, and said “yes” to myself and my life.
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Good for you! It definitely took me awhile before I could comfortably say no. I’m also an LIP and follow your informative posts!
Lea -
Somehow you always have a way of saying what I need to hear!
“It means that the more time I spend working in and on someone else’s business, the more I’m helping them achieve their goals and less time achieving mine.”
This struck me straight and true at this very moment. I’m working on this one myself.
Congratulations on liberating yourself on the very anniversary of your mother’s transition. I’m sure she’s applauding from her place of absolute freedom, and sending you pure love.
As always, my thoughts are with you.
Wow - *you* guys know just what to say to make me feel better too! Thanks Cynthia & thanks Lola. Loving my blog readers and commenters right now :)
Good for you Lea. Saying ‘No’ is so important - when you’ve got all kinds of people expecting different things from us you have to say no (or at least ‘Not right now’) so that you can prioritise what matters to you.
People find it tough to say no, because they think they should deliver against what other people expect of them before their expectations of themselves.
The equation’s simple - for everything you say ‘Yes’ to, you’re saying ‘No’ to something else.
Congratulations on going your own way again and working on your goals.
I appreciate your candor in this blog and look forward to reading where your new adventures take you.
It’s never easy saying no and kudos to you for doing so. I have a hard time refusing others and it heartened me to read your post. Be brave always!